She said, “WOW, Sailor, maybe you should go on a trip more often.” I was doing my best to act normal but it was hard. I think she could tell that I wasn’t quite my self. I told her it had been a long week and I was tired trying to decide how to do what I knew I had to do.The next day was Saturday, the kids were doing their Saturday thing away from the house.I finally said, “Julia, can I talk to you for a bit?She said, “Sure, Honey, what’s on your mind.”I began my story. “Julia, please let me finish my story, then I will leave our home if you want? I love you more every day and will always love you. That being said, that did not keep me from betraying you and our marriage while I was gone. I had sex with a woman while I was there. I have no excuse other than she seduced me and I gave in to her seduction and charm. I do not love her or want to be with her. I was weak and let it happen. There has been no failure on your part. You are the love of my life, a wonderful lover and the only. What'd ya need to ask?" Last night when we were alone at the hospital in Doctor Chung's office,you said that you felt like a girl. Was that because you think onlygirls can be pretty?" I.... I dunno." I hung my head, unable to look Aunt Joan in the eye andhide what I was feeling at the same time. I began chewing on mythumbnail.Aunt Joan slowly moved my hand away from my face with one hand andlifted my chin with the other. Her eyes sparkled in the morning sunlightcoming through the bedroom window. The sadness in her smile almost mademe forget the pain and confusion I was feeling. "I realize this is hard,Bobby. If you don't want to say anything, it's okay. If there ISanything you want to say, and I mean anything, I promise it'll be allright to tell me."I tried to swallow my nervousness, but my throat was too dry. "When Iwas little, I didn't think I was a boy. It wasn't like one day I'd said,'I ain't a girl; I'm a boy.' It was more like more like when I thoughtof myself, I'd see me as.
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